There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
