like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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