the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
