I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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