I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
