I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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