We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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