My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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