Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
