Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
