just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
