I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
