I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
