i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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