if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You ruined the universe
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