She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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