Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
BRING THE BAGELS
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
