nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
