I looked at my own cervix.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Boobs speak an international language.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
