You smell like a Billy Joel song
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
