I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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