oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
