you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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