Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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