Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
