It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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