I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
