He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
