Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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