So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
