Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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