when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
