ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
