I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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