so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
