I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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