I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
