No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Randomize
