she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
