How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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