your parents love me but you hate me
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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