obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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