Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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