I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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