i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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