i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
