I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
