Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
