i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
