Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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