Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
