can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
