We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
