god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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