All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
