Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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