i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
