So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
