Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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